I realized that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Well, not really. But the funny thing is
that I have been reading my dear friend's blog, away in another state, and I sit and think when would I ever have time to do that?!? And now here I am. Trying it out. Maybe its a good way to vent. Maybe its a good way for self-therapy. Or maybe its a good way to relate to people in similar situations. But I figure since I am finally done with school (after 5 freaking years and practially all of my kids lives!) that its time to give myself a hobby other than sewing. Because I realize, if I don't do something more, all I will do is raise kids, clean the house, do laundry, and work. Doesn't sound like much fun, does it? nope.
So about the kids...
I have two kids. My son is 6 (T-man), and my daughter is 3 (E-chickee). They are loving, happy, active, energetic, playful, silly kids. Did I say they are energetic? I have been informed by people that my children are "spirited." Spirited. okay yeah sure. So when they are loving and cute and sweet, its just wonderful!
My daughter walked into my room holding her baby doll and a bottle. She said "Mama?", Me: "yeah? what's up" She continues..."I'm feeding my baby." "oh really?" "yeah! There's coffee in her bottle." "Coffee??? What about milk? Wouldn't your baby like some milk?" She replies with "No. (matter of factly) Milk is not good for her. Coffee is good for her, MAMA!" and she leaves. I laugh to myself, and think, do I really drink that much coffee?
But then, this very evening she goes into the bathroom and takes off her pull up and puts it in the diaper pail. As she is setting it in, she yells, "MAMA!!!!!!! I"M PEEING!!!!!" I am running frantically down the hallway. And there she is standing in front of the white disper pail, half open with a HUGE puddle of pee under her, under the diaper pail and on the carpets, just 3 tiny steps from her potty chair. I just stand there stunned for a minute, then say, "E, why not use your potty when you have to pee?" She says "I dunno..."
Meanwhile, my "spirited" son has stripped naked and is jumping on my bed yelling "batman batman...blah blah blah" and laughs hysterically, after I call to him to get into the shower. I calmly say..."please get into the shower now, or you will lose your books." He continues to ignore me and jump. I am trying to remain calm. He continues, and I start to count. In my house, because of my son's selective hearing techniques, I count to "5" instead of "3". (When I was growing up it was 3.) He ignores me until I get to "4" and then finally comes to me. (And this was after he lost 2 out of his 3 books for not following directions, and him telling me he doesn't like me, and crossing his arms, and rolling his eyes.)
How do other mama's do this? Does anyone have "spirited" kids? When I discipline my kids, many times they laugh at me or smirk. I try to hide my frustration, and so many times I see my own mom in me, and I freak out. The last thing I want is for my kids to feel about me the way I feel about my own mother. HeatherJ has a good relationship with her parents. I think that is so wonderful. I am happy for her. I wish I had that. Without my husband, I would be all alone. (Family-wise, I mean.)
Anyway, enough is enough. My kids antics are often enough to send me spinning. Yesterday they were acting so crazy, I had had enough. I sent them to bed with a quick bath and bed without dinner. They understood why they were in their predicament, yet they were still crazy tonight.
After they went to bed last night, I cried about it. I felt like such a bad mama for A) not letting them eat and B) unable to control them, and C) feeling just like my own mother. I dont know. I hope tomorrow will be better.
I see babies come into the world everyday, and I remember back to when mine were that age. I often wonder how those babies I meet will be in 5 or 6 years.
I just have to keep trying.